If you are calling to find out more about why you are increasingly depressed and would like to hear the options in English, please press one now. If you are calling to find out why you work 115 hours a week and haven't been taken out to a romantic dinner since the late 20th century, press 2 now. If you are over forty and still don't know what you want to be when you grow up , press 3 now. If you have a no income stated adjustable mortgage on a tiny house in a flood plane, press 4 now. Lost your joy, looks, keys, style, sense of humor, backup keys? Press 5. God dead? Mideast Rubble? Info on the Rapture? Lack of Role Models? Inability to help Those You Love? Oil-covered seabirds? Press 6. General Devastation, Certainty of Oblivion, Agoraphobia, Mercury in Retrograde, PTSD, Skin Conditions? - 7. DMV Problems, Trouble with IPP/TCP keychains or cable connectivity? - 8. Restless Leg Syndrome - 9. If the world has gone mad and there's not a light-hearted person left standing and even a puppy might not help, press 0 over and over until you get disconnected.
This call will be monitored for quality assurance.
To repeat these options in Spanish, au prima numero dos.
