words from a different Emily (and all I've got today)

"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."

well well

Indulging in one last holiday night - this one for myself.  Starting the log too late.  Gotta change my clock back to more regular hours now.  The tree is so pretty.  Might just leave it for the epiphany date.  Dunno.  Anyway, a sweet set.

Now, here with tea, trying to muster a wee review.  Have been off work for 45 days.  Needed it.  

I see though that what overwhelms - all on its own, before the addition of the workweek - is just running the damn household.  Tried to shop and clean and cook and get organized for life ahead today and it's 11 and I just finished.  I am trying to cook (vegetable items) in advance of the week.  I don't know if there is anyway really to minimize the chore of it all, to reclaim the time.

I haven't done shit for art or really even thinking about it since I got back.  All Gary, Em, Christmas, some friends, some attentions.  All nice.  Plus the usual Christmas shoppingcookingeatingcleaning slam.  All nice.  Now though, how to line back up?

I do go back to my title in Banff: "Self-Directed" Artist-in-Residence.  This was the thing there: to direct myself well - as i hope I did - and it must be the same again.  Gotta hop back on the horse before she runs off completely.

I did just do a review of the unpublished Banff Blog.  Was it a mistake to read it backwards?  I dunno.  I know how the inquiry unfolded.  I remember every day a new tendril of questioning.  Some dropped before leading anywhere.  Or some leading nowhere.

Here is one:  The John this was called when I was really thinking of digging into the possible identities of the ghosts.  I don't like it much - too much weirdness at left.  I just recollect it as I'm musing also over last night's movie "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo."
The book apparently had the original Swedish title, "Men Who Hate Women."  ....  The rape scene(s) in the movie were .... Well.  I'll leave that for now.   And the thoughts that I hereby self-direct myself to not explore at this time.  Sexuality and its power plays.  Those men and their shiny shoes.  The good, the bad and the ugly about just having to poke somebody.  A whole nother can o' worms...

uhoh.  getting past me bedtime.  not the least bit sleepy.
okay.  maybe a little bit.

here is another john shot.

and a sarah with a tree of tuberculosis as if there had been a sarah.  poor thing.

I don't want to write about these but I do want to get back to writing about some of the others.  Will try to self-direct myself into a discipline of sorts.

Must remember where I was in my head.  It's not too far off, I don't think.  Nor was it so well-developed then anyway.

Whistling now for that horse, grabbing it by the mane.
Got a little bareback galloping over the dark open landscape thing going on.

Maybe ... sleep.

Goodbye holidays.  Goodbye vacation.  Goodbye Banff.  Goodnight Moon.