toutrimon

okay, this is stupid.  Just spent a half an hour looking for the image that was in my dream: the snowy, superstormy hillside that we (who?: me and Andrea, I think, but I'm not sure) were descending and a bit lost on.  We were on an early early morning hike, still dark, and no one would know where we were.  We had no shoes and as dawn came on we could see we were turning very blue (why do I never have shoes or boots when I dream of snow?).  We are little girls. Then about twelve.  Anyway, just as it is getting serious, we find ourselves at the base of the mountain where there is a lodge/hotel.  We find a room vacant just behind the wall behind the cashier's desk.  On the bed is a  form signed by a man so we think the last tenant has checked out and we will have until 11 to warm up.  We make some note of this - that one can easily occupy a room after the person has checked out and before the cleaning women come.  [more about death, I guess] We expect this will be how we will get by generally.  And no one will know. We rest and later the cleaning women come in and don't seem to know we have just crashed there without paying.  They clean all around us.  We take our many stuffed animals (I have a soft, big grey elephant that did help some when we were out on the mountain).  [the elephant in the room?]  We go out into the lobby where we think we've gotten away with it and won't have to pay.  We want to call up the hill where people should be sick with worry at our absence, but when we get through, no one even knows we'd left.  (how pathetic)  (and yes, we get caught, must pay)

(this is all quite dull in the retelling but was so specific in the scale of the mountain  the cold of the storm and the frumpy, fussy personalities of the people in the resort - details I'm too lazy to put in).  soo groggy.  had some weird chinese diet tea before bed that seems to clearly work by tying ones intestines in a firm sheepshank then shaking them out like a nasty, old rug.  geez.

anyway, since i'm bothering.  later back at the wee chalet or wherever it is we're staying (emphasis on the wee) (and also on the we: my mom, my brother, my sister's three girls).  there are others there too.  Everyone is starting to hike up the very steep and very snowy mountain - ten feet straight up to start, sinking into one's knees at every step..  Naturally, I have no boots and no gloves and have to go back to search for them while the others are already advancing up the hill.  They come back for me until I have my gloves and someone writes in skywriting that quickly fades "Toutrimon!"  That is the mountain we're all suddenly so excited about, so driven to get to  (though my mom keeps wanting to go to Utah; In the dream Andrea has driven mom to see some place she was nostalgic for three days running. - weird, because - I think - Andrea has been with me).

I climb behind the two little girls and tell them to 'catch that one!' They pass her by and I reach out and barely get her slippery hand.  I think it is one of ours but I see a red-headed man come round a snowy tree looking terrified then relieved that I have his little daughter at the end of my reach.

Tout tri mon.
or Tou tri mon.
I love the puns in dreams and feel this is one but the internet and french/english translators don't help.
I can think of is all. three.mine.
Perhaps something of the responsibility (and adventure) of taking care of her girls.
Maybe something altogether different.

aha!  just tried fr/eng translation of  'trimons'  v. to slave away, drudge.
all slaving away and drudgery.  uh, yeah.  could be
all uphill now... I'm the last to get going.
hoping for a nice vista in the future - that it's worth all the effort.
hoping to maybe save a baby or two along the way.

- and now where did my boots go?

love

Woke up without them, still hearing their laughter, still feeling little Juliet's sweet hands. 

"no one has such small hands. not even the rain."

I will miss them terribly, will try not to cry over the flour on the kitchen floor, the colored pens everywhere, the left little tiny nightgown. Shoot. Mmm. Ouch. And so it goes with love....


started earlier.  carrying on:


We couldn't have had a better time.  Were all over California "like a cheap suit".  a 'kick in the pants".
Notes.  Strawberry.  Tahoe.  Fireworks.  almost bad bicycle incident. No sleep.  Okay.  
Sidewalk skating.  Mystery.  
San Juan Bautista (pictured above).  The mission.  Pedro the goat.  Monterey.  The m y s t i c a l, electric jellyfish.  The hyperactive spectacular breath-taking octupus.  (god-damn!!)  Carmel.  The French Restaurant.  Wallace and Grommit.  Big Sur.  Nana.  The Magritte Watering Can.  Carmel.  Picnic with The Terrorist Squirrel.  The Beach.  The other french evening - lovely and complicated.   Dark beach.  Night out. Mom's dress.  Village Corner.  Photographs.  That sand.  Starting school.  


Jeff J and Risk.  World Domination 1.  Checkpoint. "Where are you going?"  "Um..."  Some forgotten details.  
Drive-in.  
Lemon Day (see below).  nice peeps from Oregon. 
McKinley Park pool.  
Liverpool Rummy.  
Madame Tuli!!  Fortunes. thinking about doing "Our Town".  Them: w/ Gigi.  
Women's Soccer at Rhino's.  
Dragon Feather on the phone!!  "She ruined my life.  She hit me on the head with a brick!. "  ( I love Dragon!!) (amazing occupation of/creation of a full human being. (nts: related to my confession of my weird 'hitting myself with a brick??' - who knows)  Them - to Gary's, Theresa.  "Buck"


Prairie Creek. (bench cushions) car Packed. dog drop off.  Banff application in Redding.  switching car occupants at every stop.  Fastass driving.  The devastation of campsite 76.  in the open field.  ugh.   for 4 days? really?  but!  Stars, stars, stars.  them with flashlight around their tent.  goodnight goodnight. oh beauty. morning.  Big Tree hike.  great tree scampering/climibing.  Juliet and her animal imiatations.  hair/ hammerheadshark. hilarious camp check.  moving.  spot 21 - Spectacular!! Vetter's there first!  no way no way.  glaring. oh. foo.  bike rides.  moved to buggy, two-tiered spot.  Parchesi.  Juliet lost for a minute!  too much food.  rain/mist.  fire. morning: waking to 'elk by the restrooms'.  ugh okay okay.  holy fuck: Elk -- by the restrooms!!: H U G E.   gorgeous.  Natty walking between them.  menacing.  spectacular.  quiet.  then more moving.  I don't know.  oh.  poohsticks! front end of Irvine trail.  My favorite place in the world.  Utterly mystical, real and calming.  Tootootoo beautiful.  then moving.  somewhere in there the mountain bike trail: most fun I think I have EVER had.   ...(note 2 self: get mountain bike. go ALL the time).  damn.  okay. Natty telling me about her novel. yeah then moving again to other spot, is that right?  Fern Canyon.  hike back.  Juliet apple. Mme Tuli. Running ahead.  So lithe and bright.  so much like her mum.  Fallen tree crossing.  great adventure.  Reinhard's fallen tree story.  At end.. Oops 1 mile more back to camp. Girls: awesome good sports.
Somewhere in there: drive to town.  Elk radio.  Quesadilla dinner then the burning marshmellow experiment.  What is that shit made of?  Fire kept re-ignighting many times. Final day.  More bike-riding.  Packing.  Klamath river.  GORGEOUS grey whale.  (just today 8/16) learned she died.  Very sad about it.  That was the most spectacular moment perhaps of my life - looking down not forty feet onto her.  purple/blue.  Magnificent.  Natalie literally caught me as my knees actually buckled as I saw her.  


  
will add to this later.


Napa.  Calistoga.  Great old place with shared bathrooms that reminded me of old house and Vermont.  love that vintage!
Girls to my restaurant at the school.

Hot tub and photos

Back yard fire pit
Folsom: Joel and little Joel.  very sweet.  water perfect.
Godot?
Yosemite : The bear!!  The tough hike, the falls, my wedding spot, the starving dear. the falls... last light
That milky way!  stars never EVER ever better - not even in Texas when I was six.  crusty, breaking up glorioius shooting star.  Monster trafic jam.
More hot tub
Miniature Golf/Norway House.
Great, hilarious  talk about crushes.
Karaeoke and painting at studio
Penryn.  Pool with Mme Tuli, Dragon and Mme Blue Eye.
Me: swarmed and bitbitbitbit... by hornets, almost knocked myself out on a fence.  Totally disorienting and owie!

Huckleberry Finn

Blackberry picking....
Pie making
Evening being Southern and cookin'  - too much fun.
The Yuba  (awesome underwater caverns!)-and,  the watersnake. not a big deal.
water was heavenly
Risk 2 - my second world domination!  righteous!!




must go run now, burn off a marshmellow or two.
yeah. additions later. - although these fast, scrappy notes do nothing to capture the moments.


How amazingly rich and satisfying and easy and full of love and big wild animals and adventure!!!  it all was.
California is heaven on earth.  And now... well.  very very quiet.
(unfortunate news about Rick... shoot.  life... )


anyway. off.  more details later.

where is this going?

i don't know.

i have some ideas though.

thought, then to look up the etymology of 'idea'.  so here it is:

 "archetype of a thing in the mind of God; Platonic `idea,'" 

 lit. "the look of a thing (as opposed to the reality); 

form; kind, sort, nature." 

"the look of the thing, as opposed to the reality."   

wanting to find more 'the look of the thing' in relation/not in opposition to reality - what is that relation?  what does the liminal area that still is within the realm of the actual look like?

  will muse further.  going to different lengths now to photograph an idea - (hoping the idea relates more to dimensions of thought, more to immersion than to drowning.)  

and yet.. coming up on the god-damned end of summer again.