it is nothing

from a found journal entry (awhile back):
If it is possible, as it is - I saw it this evening -, for a wisp of a veil of a slowly-drifting, shapeless cloud to cover and make seem to not exist utterly all the light and truth and presence of Venus, so it must be possible that the most minor of our errors could obliterate the heart's view of the shimmering, if distant, divine. And this heart, veiled in errors, can make out only the most general sensation of brilliance which in a moment gets covered again.

•••

so that is one possibility -

then again, my mother had a nightmare last night about her own dying, seeing her face, eyes closed here, then there. then my father (long since dead) appeared, was not nice to her and said, "it is nothing."

It seems the after-death must be one or the other - a beautiful revelation,
(that perhaps consciousness itself gets in the way of what could be perceived). or there is nothing. (not hell. i'm afraid i can't believe in that kind of judgement or justice even - another topic maybe).

I think the afterdeath is nothing.
At least in terms of 'experience'
The likelier of the two. I guess.
Nothing could not be scary, within it. Could it?

Scarier that my mother had the dream.
Then again it's been years since she had that dream about going 'on a night cruise' with her parents.
Dying myself, dying itself....no- being DEAD itself, might not be so bad. But more losing, -terrifying.
The likelier of the two, for now.

So much - obliterated from our view - our slowly-drifting, shapeless wisps of care...covering what?