it's not that I don't like people, but of all physical things, talking is the most uncomfortable for me. it feels to me much (and more so) as Li-Young Lee below describes:
I've been thinking about something for a long time, and I keep noticing that most human speech‹if not all human speech‹is made with the outgoing breath. This is the strange thing about presence and absence. When we breath in, our bodies are filled with nutrients and nourishment. Our blood is filled with oxygen, our skin gets flush; our bones get harder‹ they get compacted. Our muscles get toned and we feel very present when we're breathing in. The problem is, that when we're breathing in, we can't speak.
So presence and silence have something to do with each other.
The minute we start breathing out, we can talk; speech is made with the outgoing, exhaled breath. .... as we breath out, we have less and less presence.
An awkward sensitivity for a teacher, but, yup I love rainy days like this one when I don't have to come up with an anecdote or tidbit or theory or utter a damn word.
Hmm. And maybe that's why I like writing. It feels like a conversation, but not one that drains the 'oxygen of the self'.
okay. to sleep now.
will think of those Sonoma hills
and its cows
good old quiet cows.
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